I'm an Ordinary Man - Rex Harrison.mp3

[00:00.03]PICKERING: Higgins, forgive the bluntness,
[00:00.93]But if I'm to be in this business
[00:01.62]I shall feel responsible for the girl.
[00:02.46]I hope it's clearly understood
[00:03.15]that no advantage is to be taken of her position.
[00:04.23]PROF. HIGGINS. What! That thing? Sacred, I assure you.
[00:05.22]PICKERING. Come now, Higgins, you know what I mean.
[00:06.09]This is no trifling matter.
[00:06.66]Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
[00:07.83]PROF. HIGGINS: Have you ever met a man of good character
[00:09.03]where women are concerned?
[00:09.57]PICKERING. Yes, very frequently.
[00:10.32]PROF. HIGGINS. Well, I haven't.
[00:10.95]I find that the moment I let any woman make friends with me,
[00:12.27]She becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damned nuisance.
[00:13.71]And I find that the moment that I make friends with a woman,
[00:16.11]I become selfish and tyrannical.
[00:18.57]So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor, and likely to remain so.
[00:23.28]Well after all, Pickering,
[00:26.73]I'm an ordinary man,
[00:29.31]Who desires nothing more than just an ordinary chance,
[00:34.17]To live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants...
[00:39.18]An average man am I,
[00:41.67]Of no eccentric whim,
[00:43.95]Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
[00:47.46]Doing whatever he thinks is best for him,
[00:53.01]Well... just an ordinary man...
[00:58.98]BUT, let a woman in your life
[01:02.52]And your serenity is through,
[01:05.04]She'll redecorate your home,
[01:06.54]From the cellar to the dome,
[01:07.74]And then go to the enthralling fun of overhauling you...
[01:12.72]Let a woman in your life,
[01:15.18]And you're up against a wall,
[01:17.64]Make a plan and you will find,
[01:19.23]She has something else in mind,
[01:20.61]And so rather than do either
[01:21.81]You do something else that neither likes at all.
[01:25.44]You want to talk of Keats or Milton,
[01:28.08]She only wants to talk of love,
[01:30.72]You go to see a play or ballet,
[01:33.27]And spend it searching for her glove,
[01:36.00]Let a woman in your life
[01:38.25]And you invite eternal strife,
[01:41.85]Let them buy their wedding bands
[01:44.70]For those anxious little hands...
[01:47.91]I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling
[01:51.30]Than to ever let a woman in my life.
[01:57.42]I'm a very gentle man,
[02:00.48]Even-tempered and good-natured
[02:02.91]Whom you never hear complain,
[02:04.86]Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein,
[02:09.42]A patient man am I,
[02:11.58]Down to my fingertips,
[02:13.74]The sort who never could, ever would,
[02:16.86]Let an insulting remark escape his lips.
[02:24.18]A very gentle man...
[02:28.29]BUT, let a woman in your life,
[02:31.65]And patience hasn't got a chance.
[02:34.17]She will beg you for advice,
[02:35.64]Your reply will be concise,
[02:36.96]And she'll listen very nicely,
[02:38.22]And go out and do precisely what she wants!
[02:41.67]You are a man of grace and polish
[02:44.22]Who never spoke above a hush,
[02:46.71]Now all at once you're using language
[02:49.26]That would make a sailor blush,
[02:51.69]Let a woman in your life,
[02:54.06]And you're plunging in a knife,
[02:57.15]Let the others of my ***,
[02:58.95]Tie the knot around their necks,
[03:02.82]I'd prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
[03:06.21]Than to ever let a woman in my life.
[03:12.39]I'm a quiet living man,
[03:15.24]Who prefers to spend the evenings
[03:17.58]In the silence of his room,
[03:19.32]Who likes an atmosphere as restful
[03:21.84]As an undiscovered tomb,
[03:23.58]A pensive man am I,
[03:25.74]Of philosophic joys,
[03:27.69]Who likes to meditate, comtemplate,
[03:30.72]Free from humanity's mad inhuman noise;
[03:37.14]A quiet living man...
[03:42.93]BUT, let a woman in your life,
[03:45.30]And your sabbatical is through,
[03:47.79]In a line that never ends
[03:49.08]Come an army of her friends,
[03:50.40]Come to jabber, and to chatter,
[03:51.66]And to tell her what the matter is with YOU!
[03:54.96]She'll have a booming boisterous family,
[03:57.33]Who will descend on you en mass,
[03:59.79]She'll have a large wagnerian mother,
[04:02.16]With a voice that shatters glass.
[04:04.71]Let a woman in your life,
[04:07.14]Let a woman in your life,
[04:22.80]I shall never let a woman in my life.